“Parallels” - 7/27/20

“I am an introvert, so
The truth is it feels normal to me
To not have anyone to talk to, call, see...”

My sister said these words to me
Some 5 months ago now
They struck me as logical

Though not by any means profound
As always I marveled internally
At how different we are yet how much

Understanding we share
Her blond to my black hair
Her natural erudition

To my slowly absorbed
Sponge-bath of elective
Poetic contrition

Sitting here all these months later
I realize we are much more parallel
Than I gave our genetics credit

For I am as they say an “introverted
Extrovert” the proof is public display
Feels freeing to me but

To not have anyone to talk to, call, see
Is also relative normalcy
I’ve always failed miserably

At being lonely with rare exception
And less and less as the years have passed
And as mortality’s ever-present imprint

Continues to break consistency’s fast
Each day reminding me that unconditional
Friendship and love while reverentially vital

Is not dependent on regularity
Or compulsive acts of un-free will
How fortunate I am to have best friends

Who genuinely, gratefully understand
The focus it requires for me usually
In complete, isolated, prolonged silence

To receive the whispers of the Universe
That others may hear even amidst life’s
Loudest scream-sung-siren-blessing-curse

And you, sweet Muse, you know me now
You understand the why the how
The creaking in my spirit-bones

The way they climb ascending quietly
Striving slowly skyward privately
Mocking effort’s effusiveness

And regularity’s scheduled sheen
Clasping me safely, inadvisably
Above insomnia’s ravine

Ravens fly above my head each eve
Chattering prophesies I dare not believe
Future’s deathly mind-bend moat recedes

But all of that is ok as I know you’d concede
We know who I am, what I do and don’t believe-need
As I know who you are, your hopeful beauty-creed

Meantime: I’ll keep picking up my porcelain
Sipping slowly and thinking of you, soulfully
While intermittently doing whatever it is I do and undo

"Best Friends" - 7/16/20

When I think of Irma
I think of compassion
Her face had a way of lighting
You up from within

Effortlessly she made you
At ease easy laughter
Understanding, perspective
Equal parts fun, serious, empathetic

I can see her eyes lit up with joy
Irma had an ability to make
Every person feel like she
Was the most important soul

In need of care, thoughtfulness
This was the gift of hers with which
I was most familiar and Irma was,
Immediately, our extended family

I didn't see her often but virtually
Every time I saw or spoke to my
Mother she recounted some anecdote
Hilarious or poignant, the gamut was wide

From hot-air-balloon expeditions to
Trips to Israel, China, Myanmar
One of the things I delighted in right away
Was Irma's incomparable sense of humor

It was the quality I admired most in her
An ability to take the good and the bad
Relatively in stride and the grace with which
She would on occasion recount a story

Highlighting the absurdity rather than
The maror it seemed to me
Her natural disposition was one of
Graciousness and I am certain

This is one of the qualities that made her
So wonderfully able to merge
Her sensitivity to her positivity
In some ways Irma was like the phantom

Joy in the background of my relationship
With my mother which is no small role
To a daughter of a complex, idealistic parent
Her standards and values were the same as my mom's

I witnessed their love and friendship
Validate the one to the other in countless
Moments of laughter even when
They weren't in the same time-zone

Reveling in the retelling of shared adventures
Conversations, challenges, illuminations
And inevitably, shared fears, they forged a sisterhood
Of such depth and soulfulness that to hear the one

Rhapsodize about the other
Was to marvel at the true meaning
Of potential among kindred-spirits
Crystallized

"Best Friends" - 7/16/20

When I think of Irma
I think of compassion
Her face had a way of lighting
You up from within

Effortlessly she made you
At ease easy laughter
Understanding, perspective
Equal parts fun, serious, empathetic

I can see her eyes lit up with joy
Irma had an ability to make
Every person feel like she
Was the most important soul

In need of care, thoughtfulness
This was the gift of hers with which
I was most familiar and Irma was,
Immediately, our extended family

I didn't see her often but virtually
Every time I saw or spoke to my
Mother she recounted some anecdote
Hilarious or poignant, the gamut was wide

From hot-air-balloon expeditions to
Trips to Israel, China, Myanmar
One of the things I delighted in right away
Was Irma's incomparable sense of humor

It was the quality I admired most in her
An ability to take the good and the bad
Relatively in stride and the grace with which
She would on occasion recount a story

Highlighting the absurdity rather than
The maror it seemed to me
Her natural disposition was one of
Graciousness and I am certain

This is one of the qualities that made her
So wonderfully able to merge
Her sensitivity to her positivity
In some ways Irma was like the phantom

Joy in the background of my relationship
With my mother which is no small role
To a daughter of a complex, idealistic parent
Her standards and values were the same as my mom's

I witnessed their love and friendship
Validate the one to the other in countless
Moments of laughter even when
They weren't in the same time-zone

Reveling in the retelling of shared adventures
Conversations, challenges, illuminations
And inevitably, shared fears, they forged a sisterhood
Of such depth and soulfulness that to hear the one

Rhapsodize about the other
Was to marvel at the true meaning
Of potential among kindred-spirits
Crystallized

"Avoidance" - 7/13/20

Firstly, we are all survivors
Whatever the case may be, there is no question
We are all surviving something, many things
Give me strength today therefore to remember
That when a bright beautiful candle-lit soul passes
Through pain and into the next phase of no longer
Longing, it is not my burden to carry empathically

Just because the word 'I' comes before "am'
And someone else may no longer be does not mean
I must be a prisoner to potential sadness or that love
Cannot take a new shape transcending expectations
Bad news is sycophantic for the most part sourced
From leaches who weren't paying attention when news
Was good forgiveness is universal we all understand

Pangs of regret but some have more of a
Penchant than others for imagining worse case
Scenarios and we have our reasons locked up
In this attic someone's been weighing risk factors
While imagining the fear she will feel when she finally
Follows up taking care of herself in preventive tense
Eventually it will become a matter of common sense

I picture a beautiful gifted beloved wonderful woman
Surrounded by her family her life cut short by a twisted
Insidious unmitigated stranger of a curse no time
Left to do anything but take the stage last words
Unrehearsed last love-letter arrested mid-verse
I talk to my loved-ones we discuss when my next test
Will be I can't put it off indefinitely serenity is destined

To elude the free will you linger with me indefinitely
My heart breaks for the family my skin stings with
Eventually the only way to overcome fear is to face it
Head on dead on defeat it with focus preparation
Meditate through it breathe it away with the promise
Of someday I know the right thing to do is go to my
Appointment luxury of opportunity must supersede

The trepidation I feel or the reservations I have
About walking into a battle-ground resounding hope-
Lest I forget merely months ago clinging by a thin rope
I was in a similar position 'the size of a plum' was the
Phrase used to describe, to assess the dire situation
I look in the mirror and do my best to honor a woman's
Last breath I admired with the greatest miracle of all

Acceptance