"Trust" - 9/3/15

maybe it's because I've had three cups of coffee
today but tonight I can't seem to wind down
from how exhausting it's become to miss you
like running a marathon I wait with the kind of energy
most people reserve for scaling doubt sprawled out
on my bed distracted unable to focus on anything else
but the image of your face or if I'm lucky your body
mercilessly I remember what I miss profoundly, every
detail of your skin, your eyes your lips and I wait

I wait in a way I told myself I never would again
I wait with the weariness of someone twice my age
I wait with the anticipation of a child before dessert
I wait until I can't sit still and need to walk around
but my neighborhood only reminds me of how far
away you are from the place I've long called home
and how definitively you are not in my presence
the flip-side of all of this imagining yearning missing
is less than a week from now I'll be in your arms where

I will be free from sleeplessness hunger ambivalence
lately my passions for things and projects pale
in comparison to my rationalizations bracing myself
all the time reminding myself you are mine even though
the phone doesn't ring sometimes when I'd like it to
and even when I feel like the kind of girl I always swore
I'd never be look at me so consumed it's a bad movie
or maybe it's lucky after all this time waiting I'd given up
yesterday you said "it's great we are so busy doing
what we love, isn't it?" and I could hardly disagree

nonetheless I wish you were with me with me with me
sweetheart I'm so impatient even though experience
has proven impatience never helps anyone especially
me darling I am insatiable when it comes to us
you don't know the half of how completely I'd belong
to you if you asked me to there's the rub isn't it
would you want me to, truly, or like dandelion fluff
are we destined for dizzy heights always wanting more

than distance promises teach my instinct how to trust

"Weighing In" - 9/1/15

I wonder sometimes, how often you think of me
tears fall shamelessly, sublime reminders of my frailty
and music is no help in moments where silence is
the only sound I can muster pressed against your absence

the loudest thing in my life right now
is a voice I imagine you use to tell yourself continuously
why you should not be with me anymore (presumably)
I wish I could kiss you just once since I took for granted

so much and listened only half-heartedly
to your stories without endings witnessed your games
without payoffs oh G-d what I'd give to hear you ramble

touch your cheek precious testament to everything that matters