"If I Thought" - 1/29/07

if I thought you needed
another thing
I'd leave where I am
and go hunt for the best

I'd board a big plane
or climb up a ladder
or maybe just wander
my neighborhood searching

for just the right necktie
or briefcase or powertool
maybe a book from
Shakespeare's or the Strand

if I thought you were hungry
I'd whip up my favorite
recipe for something
never-created

but in my soul I know
you own all you need
so I'll settle for poetry
not quite my forté

nevertheless words unique
and unprecedented
are like mannah
(the day you were made)

I wonder sometimes
what allows us to inter-
connect with each other
when clearly we're far

from conquering wisdom
we'll need to succeed at
sharing more than surface
expressions of awe

I think what I'm hoping
today more than ever
is somehow that your wish
will wear down the hour

of my wish awaiting
occasion to burst
from the inseam of gratitude's

cape in reverse

"In A Day" = 1/23/07

there is always someone who suffers
for the sake of your dream
some people like to kid themselves
"if I do what's best for me..."
it will shine like starlight upon
others in my life

but reality dictates that where there is sun
there will also be fire and you have been
burning for seven-some-odd years
what was I doing was dreaming
succeeding pursuing immortality-
obsessed, driven, undressed
by visions

so vacuous they might've toppled Rome

I feel light now I've finally admitted my fatal
flaw is I'm afraid to come home afraid to sit
still long enough to uncover the truth
of what makes me crave
strangers' approval
(I feel alone
no matter
what)

you were gone
when we needed you most
left alone in a maze of unrest
left to search for backbones between
weeping tree-trunks hoping some of them
might just be vaguely sacred

I wander around now circling benches like pigeons only touching down for the kindness of bread-crumbs: love flattery obsession lust passion possession admiration trust me true love's merely months away from true

loss

"mitsve" - 1/22/2007

I have decided
it is ok
if you fail

I knew you at your peak
so I can say honestly
I was lucky

free will is not easy
we're born
and we struggle

but your pain I'm afraid
ain't no worse
than nobody's

no matter
how hard
I try to pretend

otherwise it would mean
your universe
surpasses

other human
psyches
as fragile

as pure
and I'm sure
that it doesn't

I prayed for you
a long time
it's true

I'll always remember
you as
you were

but if you can't
celebrate
yourself

the way
I've tried so
hard to help you

all I can say
is goodbye
and hope

that this thread
you're hanging by
breaks close

enough to the ground
for you to fall
gently

'cause fear
shows its face
at the greediest

times

"Unposed" - 1/20/07

if I never
picked up the phone again
just to see how you are
and listen with soul

would you ever reply?

if I never
wrote you another note
sealed with longing's wax
etched in leaves of gold

would you ever reach out?

ambivalence is grotesque
but it's true and your truth's
never touched me yet
despite my own's urging
to just let go

if I never
whispered another word
kindness-filled and brimming
with Passion's rose

would you part your mouth?

oh how tired, my eyes
oh how strained, my voice
questions seize my heart

cruel they stab, unposed