"Flux" – 5/25/22

There are no words to describe
The senseless loss of innocent children
And yet we try through tears of lamentation
To imagine imagine imagine

We hear somber cellos internal infernal
Sorrow and know instantaneously
To call our loved ones and not delay
We know to not sweat the small stuff

The way trees bend and sway we are
Temporarily better than we were before
Compassion fuses with anger muses
Take the reins of our wayward vessels

Pointing us in the direction of G-d
Or letter-writing to politicians
We go for a walk or a run because stress
Is a killer but for the most part we console

Ourselves any way we know how
Humans are inherently good
Mental illness needs medical attention
Isolation has created the greatest need

For intervention why didn't anyone notice
How can we ever console parents hopeless
Nothing sticks attention focus
Hug your loved ones donate blood

Reactive love to systemic toxicity
"Guns are not the problem people are..."
Don't tell me what you haven't endured
I won't tell you about the day I narrowly

Escaped a mentally ill partner telling me
In full seriousness he loved me enough
To "die together" such was his commitment
Describing how once he'd held a gun to his head

I'm front of his children and how easy
It would be to get one even now deranged
And in crisis his dangerousness became
My problem and all I knew was I needed him

Out out damnit where is the easy fix
For a complex disease on my hands and knees
Praying for an end to the means of destroying
All that is beautiful in this life in an instant

"May their memories be a blessing"
Rings hollow and yet it is all I know
So I pray and I apologize to anyone I've ever hurt
However slightly or unintended and I weep

Tears are the way we remove
Invisible makeup the masks
Of stalwart smiles and ambitious
Ambivalence smearing our faces into flux