The Road

"The Road" - 9/20/16 

only a couple weeks ago a friend of mine tried
to take her own life but thankfully did not succeed
as I fold my brightly colored underwear
magenta lace and polka dots red roses ruefully
glare back at me laughing hyena-like silently
at bittersweet dreams held dear since I was a child

there is so much of which we choose not to speak
when living lives intended to entertain others
we may sing it subtly, or joke or paint it at bay
sublime with denial we may screw it away attempting
pathologically to turn a stranger's lust into the love

we've lost along the way sometimes you may crave
the stage because you can't see past the back row
of an audience it's all so ephemerally limitless
you can't make out a single face through the confounding
din of witnesses clapping for something fleeting
you're not sure you're worthy but you embrace it fully

then afterwards you can't sleep even though you need
to reconcile more now than ever in your dreams the role
of friendship amidst your own quest for success I am
always leaving but more often left it feels like the higher
I fly my spirit's kite the deeper the loss of time I might've
spent preventing that which I cannot outrun via art